I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
