i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
