Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
