I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
