Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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