I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
