My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
