a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
