Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
