It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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