I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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