tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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