I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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