just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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