once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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