I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
me + whiskey = a bad person
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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