Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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