hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He passed out mid-signature
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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