He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
