then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I touched a dick in church today
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
