you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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