i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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