You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Green mimosas i think yes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
did i just pee glitter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
