i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
