i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
