You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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