It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
