I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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