fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
