Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
