Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
