Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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