You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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