Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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