After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
