Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
