When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
