At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
