i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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