She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
