Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
