Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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