You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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