He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
