You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
