The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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