I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
