She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
