Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
