Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
