Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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