What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
